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I'll Keep Aging to Myself. Thank You Very Much.

The Washington Post, 9/7/08

Abstract:

Strolling down Disease Alley at the AARP Expo at the Washington Convention Center, I feel ever more justified in my decision to keep ignoring the dozens of membership cards the nation's most persistent advocacy group started sending me more than a year ago.

Eager salespeople approach me with offers to measure my bone density, check my blood pressure, find out if my hearing, vision, balance or memory have begun to tank. You name the malady and a government agency, a charitable foundation and a slew of profiteers have set up booths here to hawk information, fear, advice and giveaways.

Whoever mapped out the exhibit hall at this past week's AARP meeting had a fine time collecting many of the disease booths in one cluster, including a row that leads from heart and lung to muscle deterioration, to the across-the-aisle rivals promoting alternative medicines and warning against dietary supplements, and on to epilepsy, deafness and, finally, John Reed and Celi Clark, who at least have the smarts to offer free Snickers bars.

People don't so much stop and chat with Reed and Clark as sort of wander by, pause and scurry on. The cheerful duo represent the National Funeral Directors Association, and they have no illusions about ever being quite as popular a stop as, say, the Wii demonstration or the free massage area.

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