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Taking Over Elderly Parents' Finances

Forbes Magazine, 11/28/09

Abstract:

Justin and Merilyn Brafman lived a life of retirement bliss for two decades. They moved from New Jersey to sunny Lake Worth, Fla., just south of the glitzy beaches of West Palm Beach, traveled extensively and pursued varied personal interests. The first signal to their son Andrew that something was awry came when his mother, once a bookkeeper, sent his sister a check that was rejected for insufficient funds. "My mother had never bounced a check in her life," Brafman says. "We realized this was becoming a real problem we had to deal with."

The episode has turned into a life-changer for Brafman and his family. With help from his sister, Ellen, the dentist moved his father, now 91, and mother, now 86, into his home in West Orange, N.J. (They have since moved into an assisted living facility.) He also took control of his parents' financial affairs--a job for which he found himself unprepared. With his parents' memories failing, Brafman faced the task of piecing together their income: a pension from his father's days as a salesman for Stiffel Lamps, an annuity and Social Security. It took him months more of waiting for quarterly bank statements to arrive to discover where they had all their savings tucked away.

"The time to have a frank discussion about parents' income and expenses is when they retire," say Brafman.

Millions of baby boomers are learning this lesson the hard way. As their parents live longer, adult offspring are finding they need to take over the finances of the people who once took care of them. It's a tricky business, emotionally and financially.

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